Two weeks ago today, the day after my 41st birthday, I walked into my mom's room to find her passed out and in a horrible situation that I can't even write about on here to save her dignity. Let's just say it was heartbreaking and more than I was ready for. I had to call 911. She ended up spending 3 days in the hospital and then her insurance cut her off. They said her infection was gone and there was no way that she could stay in the hospital, yet she was not ready to come home. They sent her to a "rehab" (kinder word for nursing home). I went to check her in and on the way out my girls and I all cried. It was a horrible, horrible, dirty place. The people were rude, the place smelled horrendous, which I know most of them do but this one was the worst one I had ever seen. The next morning at 8:30 am my mom called me and asked me to pick her up. She was out of it a little but she said the doctor had just come in and told her she could go home. I hung up with her and called the nursing home and they informed me that there hadn't been anyone in to see my mom and that she was absolutely not ready to be picked up. I knew what I had to do...I had to go break my mom out of nursing home hell! I called my husband and he went with me and we simply packed her bags put her in a wheelchair and walked out. It was that simple.
Now I was relieved to have her home but so not prepared for what the next two weeks have brought to me. I have been caring for my mother full time. Feeding her, bathing her, making sure she has her medication, and keeping her comfortable and happy. All while working full time. And taking care of my family. It's not an easy job, but what are my choices? This woman gave me life and raised me and now it is my job to take care of her. We have argued a little, laughed a little and cried a little. It's been tough. But you know what? I wouldn't change it for a thing. With everything we have been through together, all the funerals we have planned, the moves we have made and the friends we have lost we have had each other. Me and my mom. At times she is hard to take and I just have to take a deep breath and walk away but I am so glad that we are sharing this time together.
Today was a particularly rough day for her, she couldn't really breathe, and she was feeling very weak. I went out to change her nightgown, change her sheets on her bed and get her dinner. We were sitting across the table from each other and she said to me "what are you going to do when this is all over?" I said "you mean after your gone?" (and then of course I started crying) and she said yes, I asked her what she wanted me to do, she said "I know you want to move. I want you to go back to be with the people you love the most and that love you" she also said "I want you to make Chris happy". That made me cry harder. The idea that she was not just worried about me and the girls but about my husband too meant a lot to me.
It's a sad conversation to have. I have prepared myself in so many ways for her to go. Lord knows I have been through it many times in my life. But this feels different this time.
I wanted to write this post because it has been on my mind all day. It's Mother's Day and I am not usually a big fan of what I call "Hallmark created holidays" but today I really want to honor my mother and all that she has endured. It has been a tough life. I just hope that being with me and my family these last couple of years has brought her some peace. Happy Mothers Day Mom, I love you!