Just breathe...

Several weeks ago I wrote a post about my mom being sick and how she asked me what I was going to do when "this" was all over, she of course was talking about her life. She wanted to know what my plans were. Of course at the time I wasn't making any, I am still not making any right now I am just trying to breathe and keep my head above water as I do my best to get on with my day to day life and be strong for my kids. I am trying to remember all the good times with my mom and the bad times too, they are character building and also help me be who I am today. Anyway, during that conversation with my mom (who suffered from COPD which is a deficiency of the lungs, she only had 25 % total lung capacity so breathing was so difficult for her)
she had told me that she wanted me to be happy, that she wanted me to be around people that loved me and that I loved too. Yesterday I was walking through Kirkland's (there has been soo much retail therapy around here you have no idea!) anyway I came across this saying and it hit me like a mack truck standing there in the store my eyes welled up with tears because I really, truly felt as if she was there speaking to me.

Do what makes you happy,

Be with those who make you smile,

Laugh as much as you breathe,

Love as long as you live.

Wow I just love that. I love tha tso many times in the last two weeks since she has been gone that I have felt her right here with me. Guiding me, supporting me, loving me. Just being my mom. I went to lunch today with my husband and kids and we talked about her. We laughed, we remembered funny, crazy things that she used to do. I am so grateful for the fact that my kids were so close to her, that they knew her so well. I know they are young and so many of their memories of her will fade away, but I am going to do everything I can to keep them going for them.

This Friday is the day we go back to Rose Hills to bury her next to my dad, right where she belongs. Thinking of seeing their headstones right next to each other brings on such a wave of emotions for me and I hope that I am able to be strong.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and supporting me and being so, so kind. I don't know what I would do without the support I have had. It's true what they say, "old friends are the best friends" I am so glad I had so many friends growing up because they sure are coming in handy now!

 I just want to close with the line that I wrote about my mom on her memorial card because really, it says everything I want to say about her.

Her strength inspired me. Her humor warmed my heart and her wisdom guided me.

Love you mom.