Thursday, October 7, 2010

Teenage love story.

This is a long one so be prepared...
Chris and I have always been fairly liberal parents. Although we are not the kind of parents who party in front of their kids, for one Chris doesn't drink. Ever. When I do it's not very often and it's only a cocktail or two. We have never ever had even one drink and gotten behind the wheel of a car. I just don't believe in it. My parents liked to drink socially when I was a kid and I have pretty vivid memories of worrying about them leaving places drunk and driving, it scared me to death and I would never do that to my kids. We don't smoke, I have never in my life done any drug, I haven't even ever smoked pot. Again this has so much to do with how I was raised and what I was exposed to. I was raised in the 70's and 80's with 3 older siblings and lets just say they liked to have fun. I watched it and didn't like what I saw and just made different choices than they did.
Anyway, at this point you are wondering where does the liberal parenting come in? Well while I try very hard to set a good example for my kids in some ways in other ways I am way laid back and so is Chris. We both use bad language... often. We probably (not probably, definitely) are way too liberal with what our kids watch on t.v, with the conversations that we let them overhear. We are not at all the parents that shelter their kids from what is going on in our lives. We sometimes give them way too much information. Our kids had cell phones and access to the Internet well before many of their friends and they both have always had t.v's in their rooms. These aren't always popular decisions and some people think it's crazy but it has worked for us. We trust our kids and so far they have yet to make us change our minds.
So all of that leads up to the reason I am writing this post. Last year Allison came to us and asked us if she could have a boyfriend. It was the very beginning of her freshman year and she and this boy had been texting and talking all summer. She had liked him since the 7th grade and he had just asked her to be his girlfriend. I knew there would be backlash. I knew that friends and probably some family members would be appalled but Chris and I talked about it, set some ground rules and said yes.
Here were the rules- We had to meet him right away. We had to meet his parents. There would be NO unsupervised dates, which meant we would not be dropping them off to go to the movies or anywhere else without a chaperon.
Allison then explained all the rules to this boy and he said "my parents will say the same thing". Perfect.
So the relationship began. We met his family before their first date. It was their New Coming dance (homecoming for a new school). They were both super nervous and super cute. We all met at our house to take pictures. It went really well. We instantly liked his family, we liked him and it was all good.
Allison and Blake, first date.
So here we are 11 months later. This boy has become part of our family. We have spent almost every holiday in the last year with his whole family. His parents have become such good friends of ours that we often hang out without the kids.
Allison and Blake will once again go to that dance this weekend. They won't be nearly as nervous but they are still very smitten with each other.

So I love these two together. I know that I probably shouldn't promote my teenage daughter having a long term relationship, I know that so many of my friends have said that we should have said no boyfriend until you are 16 or 17. But this has worked, It has worked for all of us, we have wonderful new friends and it has actually brought me and Allison closer together.
The hardest part is knowing that soon they will have to say goodbye. They are going to have a hard time and so are we adults. Blake's step mom cried of and on all day on Sunday watching them together. Knowing what lies ahead and knowing that they are both going to be sad. I told them that they don't have to break up, that with technology the way it is today they could just text/skype/facebook/aim/call each other every day. I know in my heart it's not practical and that it will be difficult at best but I have told them from the beginning that I support their relationship and I will continue to support it, even if it's from 2800 miles away.


  1. You never know. My friend married her HS sweetheart and they're still together. And me? Well I met and maintained a long distance relationship with my husband (he's English and living in England at the time we met). When it's right, it works. Hard? Yes. Impossible. No. And you never know what the future holds... more so... you can never lose the memories of your first love.

  2. They are so wonderful together - It will not be easy, but it will teach them both something valuable about each other and their own lives - it will be fun to see where this story takes you all, xoxoxo

  3. Aw. That's sad that they have broken up. How is Allison handling it? THey do look so cute together. What a strong brave girl she must be to be dealing with all of this. When I was 16 my parents moved us from Tampa to Chicago, so I can imagine what types of feelings she is going through, although I didn't have a boyfriend at the time! Hope you are hanging in there. (I'm enjoying your blog! But have to get to bed now -- I gotta stop staying up til 1 a.m.!)


Thanks for commenting!