I love these 2 girls. I mean I know that is stating the obvious. As their mom it's my job to love them right?
Lately my younger daughter has been questioning my love for her. She has come to me late at night and said "mom, why do you love Allison more?" Ok, so the first time she said this my heart was broken. I got teary eyed and told her that this simply wasn't true. I explained to her that it's the same way she feels about me and her dad. You love us both equally. I told her I was so sorry if I ever made her feel that way and that I would make every effort to to pay attention to how I treat her and her sister. Fair enough right? Problem solved.
Nope. Not a chance.
So it was about 3 weeks later and she came to me again. This time the conversation went like this - "mom, I know you told me that you love me and Allison the same but I can tell Allison is your favorite. You guys are always laughing in the car and you have all these inside jokes. She goes everywhere with you. You just like her better." Ouch. She was right about so many things. Allison and I do spentd a lot of time together and we do have fun, we are always laughing. I told her again how sorry I was if this hurt her feelings. I went on to explain to her that right now at this time in our lives (Allison is finishing up her freshman year in high school) Allison and I are very close. We share stories with each other and we understand each other and quite honestly we just like being around each other. I then told her that it hasn't always been this way. I explained to her that when Allison was in middle school I didn't even really like her all that much. I even told Allison that to her face at one point. She was being a rotten pre-teen and I looked at her and said "I love you very much and I will always take care of you but right now? I don't even like you at all" to which she responded by looking me straight in the eye shrugged her shoulders and said "hmm, alright" and walked away. And really, that kind of sums up Allison's personality right there. She's not overly emotional, she's very strong willed, stubborn and has always been extremely independent. Almost instantly when she was born it was as if she didn't need me. She liked me but she didn't need me. She slept in her crib, in her room the first night after she came home from the hospital and she's never looked back. When she was little she would come into our room at night if she had a bad dream and climb into out bed, immediately she would start to fidget, tossing and turning and maybe 10 minutes later she would say "I am going back to my own bed now". She had her first sleepover at someone else's house at 3 years old. By the time she was 8 she had flown out of state without us twice and had been to 3 sleep away camps. All the while my heart ached. I cried and stressed about how much I wanted my little girl to want me and need me. But then a little angel was born. Gianna came along and gave me all the love I could ever need. I told her that when she was a baby I used to say "there has never been another human being that has loved me like this child does." Gianna and I bonded instantly. I knew the first time that I held her that our relationship was going to be different. For 9 years now its as if everything Gianna does is in sharp contrast to Allison. When Gianna was little nothing made her happier than climbing into our bed and snuggling up as a matter of face I am pretty sure she would do it now if we would let her! She's emotional, she wears her heart on her sleeve and if I go anywhere she is calling me asking me when I am coming home. She makes me feel love, wanted and needed. She takes care of me when I am sick and she still loves me like no other.