Living in it....

When we moved into this house three years ago I remember saying the words "I never, ever want to move again." I hate moving. I hate packing. I hate the mess it brings. I don't do mess, I certainly do not do clutter. Right now, I am living in it. Living in a house that all around me is being packed up. Chris leaves Monday morning, my husband is moving to Virginia in 4 days. So because he will not be around to pack for the next 7 weeks he has been busting his butt to do everything he can to help. Which is great, I know and I swear that I am not trying to sound unappreciative but oh my God the mess that packing brings!! Holy cow there are boxes and dust bunnies everywhere!! I am trying to deal with it, trying oh so hard to look at the big picture. I am so looking forward to moving, I really am ready. But it's all the stuff in between that scares the crap out of me. Having Chris drive across the country by himself, living here without him for the next 7 weeks, flying across country with the girls all by myself (I am not very airplane savvy). These are the things that have been consuming me. Then when I am not thinking about these things I am worried about what it was going to be like when we get there. Will people like us? Will the girls make friends easily? Will I make friends easily? (I have always struggled with making new friends). Am I going to love it as much as I do in my head? I know it's beautiful there but what else? What else is there going to be for us besides beautiful scenery and seasons?
I am so overwhelmed. I am so lonely in my thoughts, I worry way too much and I know it. But for God's sake I am moving ACROSS the entire country!! Oh and I forgot to mention the dogs, I also have to fly with the dogs! Shut the door, how am I ever going to do this?

do you see the line that goes ACROSS the country?? That is going to be me.

The best part about this whole thing is that I feel like my kids will benefit so much from it. Not that they won't be devastated about leaving their friends and everything but when they are older, they will be so glad they had this experience. They will not have lived this sheltered life that their mom has. They will know that when life gives them lemons they just need to squeeze the hell out of them and make a big old batch of lemonade. I hope that is what they take away from this experience. They have been through a lot my girls. They have lost their grandma, their lifestyle has changed significantly and they are being yanked from everything they have ever known because they don't really have a choice. I will say that they are handling it well and they amaze me everyday. I truly feel that because I have had so much loss in my life God has made sure that I have really cool kids to get me through it. Both of the girls have their birthdays in October and so does Chris for that matter (he will turn 40 in Virginia all by himself :(, that makes me sad). They know that times are tough right now and every penny that we have is going towards the move (did I even begin to explain how expensive it is to move ACROSS the country?, I love to say that by the way) It is a flippin fortune. We are selling everything we can get our hands on, or everything that is on our hands in my case (but that is another story and not one that I am ready to tell). So anyway, I told my girls that after we have been in VA for a few weeks we will take the train from DC to NYC, it's only like a 2 1/2 hour train ride and we will celebrate our new lives and their birthdays all at once. They both have been dying to get to the Big Apple so I am sure this will more than make up for getting totally dissed on their birthdays.
Well that is all for now. I think writing about this journey is going to be so therapeutic for me, so thanks for reading!