When I began writing this blog I started it for these people.
my two daughters, my nephew and my niece. They are the next generation of this small little family that I have left. They are relying on myself and my brother to fill them in on all the people and memories that came before them. I wanted them to have a place where they could come and read (if they are interested) about their family.
These four kids really love each other. They love spending time together and the whole time they are smiling. I love that. My brother Danny is my half brother, we have the same dad but not the same mom. Danny was 8 years old when my parents were married and he is now about to turn 58. So my mom was obviously a big part of his life. She lived 18 years longer than my dad and she and Danny continued to have a relationship after my dad was gone. He was a big part of her life and so were his children. She was so grateful to have him in her life and even more grateful that I had them in my life. Danny and I have been through so much together and to say he is my half brother feels as though I am lessening our relationship. We are as close if not closer than many siblings I know, whether we have the same mom or not we are very close. I have spoken before of how much I rely on him and how much I count on his opinion. He is a little bossy with me sometimes, but it's alright with me. Sometimes I need it.
Anyway, let me get to the point here (I swear there is one) today we drove out to my nephew's high school football practice, they live about an hour away and with Allison cheering varsity high school football this year and Daniel playing we don't know when we will be able to go watch him play so we decided we should go watch a practice. We watched him out there working his butt off and I was so proud of how committed he is and how hard he works. (Us Sabella's aren't known to be the most committed or hard working). After practice and a very long, long shower for Daniel we all went to lunch. Whenever the 8 of us go to a restaurant for lunch it's almost always a production. We laugh, we share memories and we tease each other. We always have a good time. There has never, ever been an ounce of tension between any of us and we always enjoy each others company. I can't remember at what point it was said, if it was before, during or after we got our food but at some point Danny looked at me and said "you know this could be the last supper" meaning of course that this could be the last meal we have together before we move. I responded casually and just kind of said " I know, really". He is very supportive of us moving and was not at all trying to make me sad or make me feel bad. He would never do that. He truly wants us to find happiness and if that happens to be in Virginia, Texas or North Carolina he is good with that. But when we said goodbye and we got in the truck to go home I started thinking about it and how I am going to miss this so much. These kids having their cousins an hour away. The way they are so comfortable with each other and they know each other very well even though they are not growing up in the same town. I mean honestly technology has helped, they are all on facebook together and they all have cell phones and text each other frequently. But I hope they remember what it was like to be able to jump in the car in the morning and go to lunch together. I hope that when Danny and I are gone, that these four kids spend time together and make sure that they are included in each other's holiday plans and that they make an effort to get together at least a few times a year if they end up living far from each other.
When I have thought of moving, which of course is consuming pretty much most of my thoughts at the moment, I don't take these things into consideration. I don't think of how this huge decision we are making is going to effect other people. I don't mean that to sound self centered, I just mean that all of these decisions we are making have primarily been about the four of us and our relationship with each other. Today it made me think of other people. It made me think that just moving and getting a fresh start might not be as easy as I have pictured it to be. I hope that where ever we end up it is the best choice we could have made for our family and that we are very happy there, but I hope even more that we never lose what we have with those we love. Our circle is very small, we have made it even smaller in the last year or two but those whom we hold dear are extremely dear to our hearts and I am going to be sad without them but I sure hope that we all remember how special our relationship is and how much we mean to each other.