Saturday, June 12, 2010

LIfe goes on...

This is going to be a quick post (I think) as I have a million things to do and my day is very busy. But that is exactly why I had to stop and take the time to write this before I forget. I think that with every death that a person deals with in their life, whether it be a close friend or relative their own mortality comes to mind. Somehow all deaths become relatable, this time this death relates to me because I am a mother of course. Every day since my mom has passed our lives have gone back to normal a little bit more and more. And everytime another day passes I think 'wow, it's like life just goes on' as sad as I may be, as much as I may miss her my life just goes on as if nothing ever happened. All of our lives go on, her friends, her other relatives and nobody thinks any different of it. It's just the way we do things. So as I just keep plugging along getting my classroom ready for summer camp, cleaning my house, making plans for the weekend I can't help but think 'what would happen if I died today' in 3 weeks would the kids already be back to normal, plugging along? Would they just function as if nothing had happened. I mean I know they would miss me, this isn't a post about playing the martyr, it's simply about human abilities and how we are able to just keep going even if our heart is broken, even if we are sad. I am so glad that we are able to do this but at the same time I feel like it's a little disrespectful. My mom was my mother for 41 years, maybe she deserves more. But what? How do you mourn 41 years of someone being your mother and still keep plugging along? I am not sure but I am going to try to figure it out. I am going to make it my mission to find a balance. Maybe it's writing this blog, maybe it's capturing my thoughts and memories on here that is a good balance, all day long my life goes on but when I sit down in front of this screen and keyboard it's my time to honor my mom. To let her and everyone else know that I am thinking about her. Even if my daily trips to Starbucks and Target are still going strong and if we are figuring out where to go for Fourth of July in spite of this huge hole in my heart I am still thinking about her, even though "life goes on".


  1. Hi Nina, thank you for always coming over to my blog! I am very sorry about your mom. Soo sorry! I can't imagine the pain that you are dealing with going through your every day life where no one knows what's going on inside for you. I always think to myself when one of my parents die, then that is when I will feel like a grown up. As you probably know from reading Manic, that my parents are both here helping us with the move. I think you are very brave for writing about your feelings and putting yourself out there and it will be a great therapy and also wonderful to share these words with your daughters someday, and for you to look back on.

    I also noticed that you and I are almost EXACTLY the same age -- my birthday is April 14! So I am OLDER! Take care, and thank you for always stopping by! Are we friends on FB? We should be! Night! (I see we are both fans of Diary of Virgin Novelist! Maybe that's how we got connected with one another?)

  2. It's all you can do. But it must seem strange, I am sorry Nina, Me xo


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