I feel as though I haven't been honest on here lately. I feel as though I have been candy coating some things. I do it partly for myself and partly for my kids and my husband. This is hard. Moving this far and doing it with two kids and uprooting them is super hard. We are working on it and I am honest about that. But here is the real deal. I have been here since October 16th. I have not made one friend. I need you to understand something if you don't know me. I can make a friend on a deserted island. It's who I am, I am approachable, I make conversations with strangers everywhere I go. Not one person has made me feel comfortable enough to open up to. It's so not what I expected. I really, truly thought the people would be much friendlier. They aren't. Today I took Allison and her friend to Subway for lunch and I was ordering the veggies for my sandwich, I was listing them all, "lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, pepperoncinis..." she looked at me like I was from another planet and said in a snotty, irritated manner "uh, you mean banana peppers" I am not kidding you she was irritated. Who the hell cares what I call them? I am from California, I am Italian and where I come from they are frickin pepperoncinis. That is pretty much how everybody has treated me. Bothered. Irritated. What happened to southern hospitality? Don't these people know how bad I needed this? How much I wanted this move? How I couldn't wait to get here and start our new life. Oh and have I mentioned that not ONE woman/mother in the neighborhood has introduced themselves. NOT ONE.
The friend issue is not my only issue. The other problem I am having is that I hate this house. I HATE this house, it's small. It feels dirty no matter what I do. It is not what I expected either. I will never rent a home online sight unseen again. Pictures aren't always true. Real estate agents aren't always forthcoming. It is not what I would have picked by a long shot. I know in the pictures it looks fine, but that is because that is what I wanted to show. I didn't take pictures of the yucky parts, I only took pictures of the things I like. We have to live here for another 16 months. I am sure it will fly by but I can tell you right now that the countdown has begun and even on my blackberry calendar I get a countdown update at the first of every month.
I am not writing this because I want sympathy, please, please do not comment on here or on facebook and tell me how great it is going to be "someday".I so appreciate all the support but again I am in one of those places mentally/emotionally where the last thing I want is a pep talk. I wrote this tonight because if someone read my blog and thought that this was easy I wanted to be clear. There is nothing easy about this. Moving across country, while still struggling financially, with two kids, without a job, not owning your own home... it's not easy. Does that mean I hate it? No, absolutely not. It is a life experience and someday I will appreciate it and what it has taught me, Chris and the kids. I am proud of us for doing it. I often wake up and think 'holy cow I live in Virginia, how did this happen?' I look forward to the day when it's not hard. I am excited for the time when I can host some kind of gathering at my house with new friends. This Tuesday I start a real estate course to get my license. I would have never done that in California. I think it is going to open lots of doors for me and start a wonderful new chapter in my life.
Thanks for letting me vent. I really do love all the support you all offer me. This blog has saved my life in some ways. My inner circle has dwindled and having here to come to and be able to have strangers, or people I haven't spoken to in years support me it's been wonderful.