Acceptance...

A week ago or so I came on here and wrote a post. I was angry. I was irritated. I was sad. I hated it here. I wanted to change it. I wanted to leave so badly. I wanted to go back to California right then. Here is the thing. I hated it in California. I was miserable there. I couldn't wait to get out, counted the days to our new life. I had high hopes and set my expectations way too high. Now I am here and I need to learn to accept it. It is something I have always struggled with. I used to drive my parents crazy. I couldn't ever be happy with what I was doing, the job I had, the boy I was dating... whatever it was I wanted to change it. It's how I roll. I don't know why it is so hard for me to accept things the way they are. It is something I am very aware of in my own personality and try sometimes to change it and at other times hold steadfast to my decisions to change things, justify them and do everything I can to make everyone around me understand why it needs to be changed. That is the other thing about me. I want validation in everything I do. I want everyone that I love and care about to climb on the Nina bandwagon. I love it when people agree with me. I get totally irritated when they don't. I know it's irrational. I know it sounds childish and ridiculous. I didn't say it's something I like about myself I just said it's something about me.

 Moving to Virginia was kind of an irrational leap of faith. It wasn't my decision alone, I swear I did not "talk" my family into this. I didn't have to. Our situation in California was getting ugly. The kids even knew something had to change. I just don't think that any of us realized how big of a change this would be until we got here. I think we were all so desperate for change and something better that we just jumped in with both feet and then we got here and were like "hmm, this is harder than we thought." I also think that in our minds Chris and I thought moving would make so many other things better. Financially I just thought we would be right on track. I didn't realize a cross country move was going to be so expensive that it would take us 3 or 4 months to even get on our feet.

After I wrote my last post I have done a lot of thinking. The first day I sat around and cried. ALOT. Cried for all the things I missed about home. Cried for my mom. Cried for my kids missing their friends. Cried for my husband and how stressed he is at his new job and all the pressure he feels to make this work.
The next few days after that I made mad plans to move back to California. I got on my own bandwagon and schemed a way for us to get back in 18 months. Seriously 18 months. Who does that? Who moves their whole lives across the country and then 2 months into says "we are going back." I do. Again, I know it's crazy but it is how I roll always. Then I thought some more and I realized I need to do things different this time. This time I need to accept my (our) decision to move here and I need to STOP trying to get my family on the Nina bandwagon and I need to make the best of this. We are here. It is our new home. Like it or not. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we are here for a reason. We just don't know what that is yet. It might take a year before we know what it is. It might be 20 years from now that we look back on this and say "thank God we moved to Virginia otherwise we would have never (fill in the blank). I am learning to be ok with that. I am learning to accept this decision. I am doing my best to embrace our new state and all that it has to offer. I can't wait to start working in real estate and learn more about that aspect of Virginia as well. There is so much to learn and see. I am not saying that we are never moving back to California or moving anywhere else for that matter I am just saying that for now this is where we are and we are here together and I am going to be the best wife and mom I can be while I am here and I will promise to teach my kids that we need to see all the good in what has happened to us and not focus on the negative.

Yesterday we had our first big snow since we have been here. It was awesome. It is beautiful and peaceful and fun. We took a ton of pictures and we shoveled and we played in it and we truly enjoyed the new experience of it. I am so glad that my kids are getting the chance to experience new things. I love that they can add this to their life list of things they have done. They are actually spending more time together and I love that too. My girls are 5 years apart so they have never really been "friends" just sisters. Gianna looks up to her big sister so much that sometimes it makes my heart ache to see it. I worry about how she loves her so much and wants to be her so much. I so want her to have her own identity and learn to love herself that much. It reminds me of how I was with my brother Mike and I just hope that Allison realizes someday how much everything she does and says effects Gianna. I think that moving here has helped their relationship so much and I am so grateful for that.

 I am closing with pictures from the last two days. Get a blanket out before you look at them, they might make you want to snuggle up!

that is me getting to know the snow shovel.