Tuesday, December 28, 2010

What I wish you could see...

I love writing. I love telling my story. It has been so therapeutic for me during these trying times. The support that so many of you have given me has been wonderful. But sometimes I worry, sometimes I think I am too honest, I tell too much. I look back at some of my blog posts and I think 'hmm, I really sound so whiny, or I sound like I am a really unhappy, stressed person. I know that my honesty has helped some people, I have received numerous inbox messages and comments that have said as much, I have even been approached in person and told how much me telling my story has helped someone feel comfortable with their own story. That means the world to me. At the same time I have upset family members by telling too much, I have offended people with my words when I have simply tried to stick up for myself or explain myself. I hate that part of it. I don't like controversy, I am not comfortable with conflict.
 My favorite blogger in the world, the woman who inspired me is Kelle Hampton and what I have loved about her is her great attitude. She has the ability to look adversity in the face and turn it on its ass. I love that. I want to be that.
What I want people to know is that while my story is real, and the consequences of losing loved ones and of losing everything we worked so hard for is not always an easy story to tell nor has it been easy to go through, our lives are good. We are a happy family who laughs together every single day. Not a day goes by that one of us does not make the others laugh so hard that our stomachs hurt. We are a family who values communication and does their very best to always be honest and tell each other how we are feeling. We love each other so much and tell each other every single day that we do. When I sit down to write I lose myself in the rest of it. I probably don't convey well enough how good my life is. I am so lucky to have these two amazing daughters who are so acutely aware of everything we have been through, who are so understanding when every day the words "we can't afford it" come out of our mouths for one reason or another. They have such faith in their father and myself that these things are going to get better. Not one time since we told them that we were moving 3,000 miles away from their friends have they complained about it. They have had moments when they have been sad about it, no doubt but they haven't complained, they haven't made us feel bad. That to me is huge, it shows me that they have full confidence in their parents and that they know that a brighter, better future is in the works for us. I love that. I couldn't ask for more.
I am also so fortunate to have the marriage that I have. It's not perfect, it has it's ups and downs but for the most part my husband and I are always so in sync with each other. In almost 17 years of marriage we have been through so much and we stand by each other through all of it. Chris has been so supportive of me in spite of my inability to figure out what I want to be when I grow up... at 41 years old. He is also so supportive of this blog. I know I have said way more on here than he is comfortable with, I have literally let all my readers in on all of our most private issues. Sometimes I picture him reading what I have written and I cringe at the thought, hoping that he won't be upset. He never is, or if he is he doesn't say anything.
I just wanted to make sure that anyone who stumbles across my blog or has been following me since the beginning knows that here in the Britton home we are all good. We are looking adversity in the face and turning it on its ass.
The new year is almost here and I am more than positive that with it will come so many good things. I know that together this family is going to do great things, and while we are doing them we will laugh and do really stupid dances together. That is the what I want you to see on this blog in 2011. (well not the stupid dances thing, cause I have to tell you they are super embarrassing) but I want you to see that we are happy and strong. We love each other so much and we will stand together no matter what.

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