Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Learning is hard. Learning new things when you are my age and when you have a learning disability is so hard. I am trying so hard to do this but it is killing me. I won't give up. I promised myself I will see it through. In the past my m.o. was to always give up. In high school I would just leave. I literally would just leave class or school when I felt this way. I didn't understand back then why but I just couldn't be there. I now understand what my struggle is and I need to learn to just deal with it.
I wish I could find the words to explain what it's like inside my brain. As I sit in this classroom and the other students ask questions and engage in conversation with the teacher it is like words swirling around my head. I only hear bits and pieces. Not only are these words swirling around, but half of the time they are words that I do not even understand. They are a whole new vocabulary that is so new to me. I look around at the other people in the class and I think 'huh, I wonder why they get it, are they just super smart?'  That is about as close as I can come to describing what it's like. I know that I am not stupid. I know that if selling real estate was just about the practice of selling and making a deal happen I could rock it all night long. Unfortunately it's not.
I want this. I want this for so many reasons. I want to prove to myself and my family that I can do this, especially to Gianna because she has these same issues and I want her to know that we can do something if we really set our minds to it. I also want this because I really, truly want to find something that I love to do and can succeed doing.
Last week we had a quiz. I froze. I swear it was like I was reading things for the first time. Sometimes I am sure that what I am reading is Japanese. There is no way that these words are english because I am an excellent reader and for some reason these words in this text book are a whole new language to me. I missed 7 out of 25. This week we have our mid-term. It's a hundred questions. Shut up. A hundred questions. It makes me sick to my stomach. Not because the mid-term matters, it doesn't, this isn't a college course, I am not being graded. This is a class to teach me the content that will be on the exam that when/if I pass will give me my real estate license. So here's the thing, I just explained how badly the tests are freaking me out, this entire freaking license is dependent on how well I do on a test. That makes me want to throw up. I knew that when I took this whole thing on it was going to be hard. I had a feeling I might feel this way. I just didn't know it would be this bad. Oh and I forgot to mention that it probably would have been a much better idea for me to do this when I was living in California. My home state, the place where I was born and raised and knew like the back of my hand. Oh no, instead I waited until I moved all the way across the flippin country and then started a whole new career. Genius. Especially when this career is all about the area and your knowledge of it and of the kinds of properties that cover the area. It is a whole different ballgame here in Virginia. We are talking farms and historical properties. I know nothing about these things. Where I lived a historical property was a mid century modern built in the late 50's that all the gay guys in town loved to re-do. Here a historical property is a home that James Madison hung out in during the civil war. Totally different situation. Oh man. Totally different. Totally outside my realm of knowledge. I got nothing. I wasn't even sure who James Madison was until we went to his lifelong home a couple months ago. It's a big tourist attraction out here. Huh, where I am from driving by Frank Sinatra's house was a big tourist attraction. I am like an alien on this planet they call Virginia.


  1. Neen, Read up on Test Anxiety and look for tips on how to "fool" yourself into being able to take tests without the freak factor. It's a true educational issue and there are tricks you can rely upon so that the test questions don't look like Japanese. It has worked in this family!! Also, you may need to give yourself some time to learn your new area before you expect yourself to be an expert. I know your anxious to get a start on your new life and career, but cut yourself some slack and allow time to learn about James Madison (& Dolly), and all those other fine folk who called VA their home. Heck, think about all that you know about The Carpenter's, Sinatra, PGA West...you didn't learn all that in just a few months. LOL

  2. You CAN do it - you are so SMART and I agree - you will rock the selling thing - the test sounds really difficult but you have chosen this now for a reason - and I'm sure you will be pleased with the results :)
    You GO Mrs Nina, and thanks for the continued inspiration to us all.
    Miss you and glad to catch up with you here :) xoxoxo


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