packing and pity.

There hasn't been much for me to say lately. I have been busy packing, working and getting ready for the move. We leave in 12 days, well really more like 11 since today is really over.
I am so excited. I have to be honest though, I am a little nervous too. As much as I want to move, as badly as we need this fresh start I am nervous. California is all I have ever known. It is my comfort zone. It is where my life used to be "normal". I can't wait to get to know Virginia and the east coast. To be able to go to new places and experience a different life. I think it will be great but deep down inside I know it's going to have it's difficult moments. I know that it will take a while to make it feel like home.
My kids are excited. They are looking forward to seeing their dad. My husband has been gone for a little over a month now and we sure miss him. Video chat is great but it's still not the same thing. I am very lucky that I have a great husband and such amazing kids. I don't know what I would do without them.

So I have had something on my mind for several days now. A couple of weeks ago I had some controversy, and a falling out with a family member. During the back and forth he made a comment to me that has stuck with me and resonated over and over again. It's something that I want to clear up for everyone and make sure that anybody ever reading my blog knows. I never, ever want anyone to "feel sorry" for me. I hate pity. I despise that feeling of being pitied. I do not tell my story because I want people to feel sorry for me. I tell my story because it gives me comfort, because I am an open book and I love to share and because I want my kids to be able to read it later on. He made that comment after reading my blog. I instantly thought 'I hope to God that is not what people think'. If anything I hope that somebody reading my blog would take away from it that I am lucky. That I am strong. That I see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that together my family is going to make it through to the other side.
I have said so many times that dealing with all of the death and loss that I have had is difficult, but at the same time I am so grateful for all of the wonderful relationships I have had in the first place. I am so glad that I had such a great family. So many people have been through so much worse than me and didn't have a loving, supportive family to start with.
Do I miss my family and wish they were here? Absolutely. Do I get sad sometimes and throw my own pity parties for myself? For sure. But never, ever would I want anybody to pity me or feel sorry for me. That is not how I roll.
I have never for a second doubted who I am or what I stand for, I have made that clear many times on my blog. But if any reader ever got the wrong impression I just wanted to clear it up for them.
After my conversation with him was over I thought about all the amazing support that I have had about my blog. I thought about how many people have written me emails and sent me messages on facebook telling me that I have helped them or that they can so relate to what I write about. That is what is important to me. That is why I write and why I will continue to share my story. Hopefully in the future there won't be anymore sad stories to tell anyway so the idea of me wanting people to feel sorry for me will just be silly.
Thank you to all of you who read, who support and who comment. It is like free therapy to me and you have gotten me through some really tough times. xoxoxo